Post-divorce parenting - trials and tribulations - some positive suggestions

As a divorce attorney, handling post-divorce matters is the most challenging thing that we have to do since it most often involves children. Kids get caught in the middle and suffer, often without the parents noticing. The adults in the post-divorce environment find closure and move on - usually - but the children have to deal with both parents. Often that is difficult and even uncomfortable for them. It is no wonder that the standard in any litigation involving children is to do what is in the best interests of the child whether or not it is best for the parents.

I see conflicts that range from things like getting mad because an outfit one parent bought for a child got left at the other parent's house (no kidding, I've seen people try to take that to court) to moving to another country to pursue a job opportunity with a new spouse (which is almost impossible to solve if both parents want substantial amounts of time with the children). Sometimes, this means that parents have to make hard choices - do they put their child or thier own, new lives first? These are always difficult questions, but, as a parent, the right thing to do is to keep the interests of your child ahead of yours - that's what the Court will do, if it has to go that far - but, do your best to work it out or get to a mediator first. Except in the most difficult cases where there has been spousal abuse - you should do your best to work out conflict with the other party - it saves time, money and anquish.

Below are some great tips I found on Dr. Phil's for post-divorce parents (pay particular attention to the second part of the list - these are the constructive actions you can take to keep you kids as healthy as possible post-divorce:

"Post-divorce parenting is fraught with danger, danger that you will inadvertently do damage on top of what the divorce has already done. To help you recognize mistakes you may be making and to avoid mistakes you're prone to make, Dr. Phil lists some of the biggest and most frequent mistakes those in your situation typically make:

Sabotaging your child's relationship with the other parent.

Using your child as a pawn to "get back at" or hurt your ex.

Using your child to gain information or to manipulate and influence your ex.

Transferring hurt feelings and frustrations toward your ex onto your child. (You may be particularly prone to this if your child bears physical or behavioral resemblances to your ex.)

Forcing your child to choose a side when there's a conflict in scheduling or another planning challenge.

Turning family events attended by both divorced parents into pressure cookers. Events that call for sensitivity include birthdays, holidays, school programs, extracurricular activities and performances.

Depending too much on your children for companionship and support because you're hurt and lonely and have adopted a siege mentality: "It's us against the world." This isn't a healthy position for either you or your child to adopt.

Treating your child like an adult because you're lonely or just want help. It is inappropriate to give your child an adult job.

Becoming so emotionally needy that your child develops feelings of guilt if he or she spends time or even wants to spend time with your ex, friends, grandparents or others.

Converting guilt over the divorce into overindulgence when it comes to satisfying your child's material desires.

Besides making a commitment to avoid these mistakes, you should affirmatively commit to a family and parenting strategy that will help your child flourish in a divorced home. Key components of such a strategy include:

Commit to learn, adopt and apply all the principles set forth in Family First. The philosophies, tools and strategies described in this book are critical to having a healthy, happy family and raising successful, authentic children, whether or not both parents live in the home.

Sit down with your ex and make an affirmative plan that sets aside any differences you may have and focuses instead on meeting the needs of your children.

Agree with your ex that you absolutely won't disparage each other to your children. Further, forbid your children to speak disrespectfully about the other parent, even though it may be music to your ears.

Negotiate and agree on how you can best handle such things as handing off the children for visitation, holidays, or events. In the interest of your children's peace and security, it's up to you to act maturely and without selfishness.

Agree on boundaries and behavioral guidelines for raising your children so that there's consistency in their lives, regardless of which parent they're with at any given time.

With regard to extended family members, negotiate and agree on the role they'll play and the access they'll be granted while your child is in each other's charge. The extended family plays a very important role in the lives of children.

Communicate actively with your ex about all aspects of your child's development. Both parents should know about any and all positive or negative events in the child's developmental journey.

Recognize that children are prone to testing a situation and manipulating boundaries and guidelines, especially if there's a chance to get something they may not ordinarily be able to obtain. It's important that you and your ex compare notes before jumping to conclusions or condemning one another about what may have happened.

Although it may be emotionally painful, make sure that you and your ex keep each other informed about changes in your life circumstances so that the child is never, ever the primary source of information.

Commit to conducting yourself with emotional integrity. If you and your ex have agreed to a plan, stick to it. Say what you mean; mean what you say."

(If you want to read more from Dr. Phil - here is the citation: http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/242/ )

Christian-Newsome trials - the DA and his staff should have asked Baumgartner to recuse himself - not Blackwood

They don't like Blackwood because he won't give them the answer they want - that there should no new trials. Problem is - they were in control of this ship. They knew about Baumgartner's addictions and let it go. They were obligated, by the Rules of Professional Conduct, to turn Baumgartner in to the Board or report him for his misconduct. They shirked their responsibilities because things were going their way in his court. It was not just the DA, it was also the ADAs who worked in his court on a regular basis. Now, rather than accept responsibility for their actions, they are trying to get Blackwood off the bench because he won't play ball with them. The article below is a great summary of arguments made by defense attorneys against the  DA. They are 100% right!

http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2012/jun/28/da-randy-nichols-hid-signs-of-ex-judge-richard/

Donut sniffing v drug sniffing - don't need a dog for this one Dano

The results of tort reform will be the same in TN. So much for the lies the politicians and the insurance companies told: New study: Tort reform has not reduced health care costs in Texas

New study: Tort reform has not reduced health care costs in Texas

Folks, they tried to sell these lies here in Tennessee too. We will have the same results. There will be no savings to Tennessee's citizens. And, you have given away rights that you will have to battle to get back. The politicians and the insurance companies and big corporations and the doctors have decided how much you can get when you are hurt by something they do.

If you have been injured in any way, contact me: Robert L. Vogel, Trial Attorney - 865-357-1949www.robertvogellaw.com

For anyone who has been harassed at work here's information that will help

Workplace Harassment is a Form of Discrimination

Unlawful harassment is a form of discrimination that violates Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and other federal authority.

Unwelcome verbal or physical conduct based on race, color, religion, sex (whether or not of a sexual nature and including same-gender harassment and gender identity harassment), national origin, age (40 and over), disability (mental or physical), sexual orientation, or retaliation (sometimes collectively referred to as “legally protected characteristics”) constitutes harassment when:

1. The conduct is sufficiently severe or pervasive to create a hostile work environment; or
2. A supervisor’s harassing conduct results in a tangible change in an employee’s employment status or benefits (for example, demotion, termination, failure to promote, etc.).

Hostile work environment harassment occurs when unwelcome comments or conduct based on sex, race or other legally protected characteristics unreasonably interferes with an employee’s work performance or creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment. Anyone in the workplace might commit this type of harassment – a management official, co-worker, or non-employee, such as a contractor, vendor or guest. The victim can be anyone affected by the conduct, not just the individual at whom the offensive conduct is directed.

Examples of actions that may create sexual hostile environment harassment include:

• Leering, i.e., staring in a sexually suggestive manner
• Making offensive remarks about looks, clothing, body parts
• Touching in a way that may make an employee feel uncomfortable, such as patting, pinching or intentional brushing against another’s body
• Telling sexual or lewd jokes, hanging sexual posters, making sexual gestures, etc.
• Sending, forwarding or soliciting sexually suggestive letters, notes, emails, or images

Other actions which may result in hostile environment harassment, but are non-sexual in nature, include:

• Use of racially derogatory words, phrases, epithets
• Demonstrations of a racial or ethnic nature such as a use of gestures, pictures or drawings which would offend a particular racial or ethnic group
• Comments about an individual’s skin color or other racial/ethnic characteristics
• Making disparaging remarks about an individual’s gender that are not sexual in nature
• Negative comments about an employee’s religious beliefs (or lack of religious beliefs)
• Expressing negative stereotypes regarding an employee’s birthplace or ancestry
• Negative comments regarding an employee’s age when referring to employees 40 and over
• Derogatory or intimidating references to an employee’s mental or physical impairment

Harassment that results in a tangible employment action occurs when a management official’s harassing conduct results in some significant change in an employee’s employment status (e.g., hiring, firing, promotion, failure to promote, demotion, formal discipline, such as suspension, undesirable reassignment, or a significant change in benefits, a compensation decision, or a work assignment). Only individuals with supervisory or managerial responsibility can commit this type of harassment.

A claim of harassment generally requires several elements, including:

1. The complaining party must be a member of a statutorily protected class;
2. S/he was subjected to unwelcome verbal or physical conduct related to his or her membership in that protected class;
3. The unwelcome conduct complained of was based on his or her membership in that protected class;
4. The unwelcome conduct affected a term or condition of employment and/or had the purpose or effect of unreasonably interfering with his or her work performance and/or creating an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment.

What is Not Harassment?

The anti-discrimination statutes are not a general civility code. Thus, federal law does not prohibit simple teasing, offhand comments, or isolated incidents that are not extremely serious. Rather, the conduct must be so objectively offensive as to alter the conditions of the individual’s employment. The conditions of employment are altered only if the harassment culminates in a tangible employment action or is sufficiently severe or pervasive to create a hostile work environment.

Report any incident of harassment immediately to your supervisor, any member of management and/or to the Director of the Office of Workplace Diversity.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if you have been harassed at work. Also, please feel free to post your eperiences so that other people can learn and also feel that they are not alone. I am finding that workplace harassment is pervasive and far reaching. So many employers are getting away with it, that they just assume they can. Let's help put a stop to it - I'll fight for you.

Bob Vogel

865-357-1949

 www.robertvogellaw.com

Corporate Greed strikes again

The AP (12/12) reported, "Medtronic Inc., the world's largest maker of medical devices, has agreed to pay $23.5 million to settle allegations that it paid kickbacks to doctors to implant its pacemakers and defibrillators, the US Justice Department said Monday." Federal prosecutors "alleged that Medtronic caused false claims to be submitted to Medicare and Medicaid by using two post-market studies and two device registries as vehicles to pay illegal kickbacks to doctors. 'Medicare and Medicaid beneficiaries depend on their physicians to make decisions based on sound medical judgment, especially when they are choosing which pacemaker or defibrillator to implant,' B. Todd Jones, US attorney for Minnesota, said in a statement."

Mortgage Fraud

If you were the victim of a "pick a payment" mortgage and got into financial trouble, check this information out...

http://www.nj.gov/oag/ca/press/pickapay.htm

http://www.state.nj.us/lps/ca/wellsfargo/